It’s only me writing and erasing and repeting it all over again and again and now lm at the point of giving myself areal fat slap in my face. But your really the troubble maker here becaus if l did’nt read what l did five hours ago and from that time l have done nothing more than to send you this mail telling me how it can be that you know me. And how come l never ever once have been reading a single line ot even a word of a dilemma l have nothing left in life to give me back the most precious l valued so highly and l lost it the greated love, joy and genuine happiness and not to forget that satisfsction it gave me an amazingly experimentera of being the only one blessed of best friend ever so trustworthy and the only one who truly knew the real me like no one eles ever had. And becaus of what l did but never ever would take the risk that was’nt even a things l honestly could be aware of like normal but now lm tryning to make more of myself than l really am. Sorry for the stupidity of express myself here in a very disrespectfull way of claim in pulic that l am normal. That is,ny very close to the truth. And that is the reason for me loosing my closest friend for good. And it happend exactly the way you word by word the one after another and lm even more devestated than ever after reading it all. Becaus l wound never put the only true friendship l have ever had in jeopardy becaus l made my passion in life also the only one that gave me so much more than the reason the word was invented as l would think was the first case scenario and after that it was blended Into a word in a more polite way like the days when life just had to be so amazingly boring if a thing like that word was the only that could make you upset.

But l really need to know how you know this? Becaus you sound like this is nothing new under the sun and the every one on this earth know this but l am completely lost in translation and it really starts to get me s little bit worried. If this is,ny a big deal when l have been asking myself from that day l was at the funural for loosing my best friend ever and the passion she gave me. It really was the only thing l could do that gave that satisfsction you can only know the half part of it. And that is to compare it with that heavenly satisfsction when you hsve the chickenpotts and your just done for the momet of skrstching when it’s itching you reallythink your about to go crazy that is basicly the only thing l can come up with that could give people something everyone know what that is all about bur still it is,nt half of the truth but lm not going to drain myself out completely of what is left of the pale shadow of what used to My energy or my spark that l would prefer as more clos to the my describe what l lost and l have asked myself for so many years and days that it would be a mission impossible becaus you would’nt be done when your time on to for your moment is over and done with. Maybe that day will come sooner if only

I did’nt even know that the best friend l have had and who was so understand an so sweet to and kind. And it breaks my heart that l probably took the uniqe friendship for granted and did’nt show enough how much she really meant to me and my biggest regret of all this time not giving myself anything but a hard time and still l was always the friend inside me who really knew the real me. I lost myself as my trustworthy friend and when l saw her fading away she took the passion with her and left me alone without any reson in life or anything to look like a new thing to do. I have been in a place that m just had to look the other way every time l knew there would be a risk for me to set my eyes om my two sewing machines and the have both been unemployed since that day when l lost the thing l did’nt think was possible. It’s over 20 years ago and lm still waiting for my friend to come back to me one day and be with me so we can can pick up where ever er would like. I really lost everything about the very essensnse in me of the greatest happiness possible.

So if it’s possible for me to know more from you of what l can do to get a little hope of being in sharge of my life again. And how to deal with a problem l honestly though l was the only one having with the same question every single Day. How did it happend and how could l come l did’nt know anything at all. Especially when l actually are the perfect reglection of what you deskribed in your article. You are not from this planet becaus to me your the only one looking human but still the only one existing who really would’nt superice me very much if one of your closest friends would be God himself. That is not making sense to most people who will read My respond on your article. But if you think from my point of wiew and the feeling l have had ever since l was done reading it l am an open mindre woman and if any of whom ever it will be that is,nt the important thing here. Please feel free to explain to me how a thing like this even can happen to me? And you sitting in your cosy armshair zipping on a cup of the having your early grey on the other side of the Atlantic ocean. And here l am have got any option of what could be worth the name of what sleeping is all about.

I have to confess that l have been close to what most people would call to be obsessed. But dont put all the blame on me please im not the only one behind this så think of not judge me too hard.

Your sincerely

Hugs Annika Bard

Sweden