I go back and forth all the time about whether or not I’ll miss my “former life” and whether i’ll suck at it and whether my husband and i will want to kill each other from the stress, but ultimately, the thing that makes me hashtag WANT kids is this challenge of explaining life to them.

I dunno. It’s so personal! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! it’s so important and comforting and helpful to talk about these things. XO

Love that last sentence! So comforting to read for someone with almost no mum friends to assure you this. I’m 32 and while I feel like „some time in the future I see myself having kids“, the „want baby now“ feeling probably won’t kick in for a few years (mainly fueled by the fear deciding for a baby would take away my entire pre-mom life).

Thank you for I think helping me just identify my purpose in life?????

A VERY VERY TEMPTING BONUS. Honestly this post’s comments have made me so much more open to the idea of adoption.

KATE OMG THE TILIA BOTTLE OF WINE EXAMPLE HIT VERY CLOSE TO HOME IN MY HEART. We’re feeling exactly the same. <3

HOOOOOOOOOOOOO BABY all of this hit so close to home.

I feel like I’m just going to chill for right now and see how I feel in five or so years. I mean like, it’s totally possible that I’ll one day turn 35 and be like “yep, let’s do this.” because that is ten years from now and we are constantly changing!!! Like think back to yourself at 15. How different were you then compared to now??

We got this. <3

You need to forgive yourself for not wanting to stick to your timeline!! That’s okay!! Maybe you’re trying to tell yourself something. You seem like you’re not ready right now and from what I’ve gathered from everyone’s advice that is MORE than fine and normal. <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

my GOD you are insightful. Thank you.

WE ARE LITERALLY THE SAME BRAIN ON THIS.

You are like, the wisest friend I have never had. THANK YOU. So much, for all of that.

You have the exact kind of energy I aspire to have.

FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Second of all we couldn’t be on more of the same page, so that makes me feel very extremely better.

Thank you for inspiring me to think about this more!!!

This was such a calming comment for me to read. Thank you. Also, have shared that article with like five people.

Whatever your journey is and becomes, it will be wonderful <3.

I can’t tell you how helpful this is. Thank you.

This is such a comforting “everything will happen the way it’s supposed to” story. Thank you.

SAME EXACT FEELINGS OVER HERE <3 <3 <3

Kate this is simultaneously comforting and terrifying (though all important life things probably are?) and I love you for writing it.

Kate. Thank you. You are a very wise semi-anonymous oracle who I now trust implicitly with my life? Extremely thankful that you took the time to write this.

Kate is spot on. A couple of additional thoughts I’d add is deciding not to have kids can be a really lovely way to live your life, and choose your partner wisely. Pick someone you have an amazing connection with, not because they’d make a “great parent” – that relationship, ideally, should outlast your kids and will be the one you lean on after the kids are grown. The nursing home isn’t the only long view to take, and there’s a lot you can do to ensure you have a decent end of life that doesn’t require kids.

I’m 35 and unmarried. In a healthy (albeit new) relationship with a man who’s pretty scarred from past relationships and pretty not into having kids. I’m not NOT into having them, but I’m very ambivalent.

So yeah, never thought I’d have to choose man or kid, but it looks like that may be what I’m doing in the future.

Open to other insightful reader thoughts. 🙂

I got pregnant for the first time at 27 but I knew knew KNEW I wanted kids. The thing is, you’ll never be 100% ready, but I think you need to know for sure it’s something you want to do. I can’t really decide if 27 is too young or too old (well, it’s not too old) to have kids. I started at that age because I felt that my career was in a good place and I want to have a few kids while I’m still young-ish. This is something I KNEW I wanted, and my partner felt the same.

One thing I hear a lot from other women my (our) age is that they feel they can’t even take care of themselves, let alone a tiny helpless human. Well lemme tell ya, you just might take care of yourself even less once that tiny human comes around. But you somehow do it, without realizing how or why you are doing it. You don’t have a choice to do it. You just have to.

Would not having kids be a relief? Maybe. Would you get to do more? Maybe. Experience more? Maybe. LIVE more? Maybe.

You can do a lot without kids, and you can do a lot with kids. Some of those things intersect (like, you can do a trip to Europe with kids), but everything else is fundamentally different. I loved the life I had before, when I didn’t have to plan out 10 things in advance to do anything, but I love the endless possibilities it feels like my life has now.

And then…. How do you keep the parts of you right now? If you find out, let me know. Some parts of yourself you lose forever, but you will get new parts, and you might stop being YOU for a while. Motherhood is a brutal, beautiful journey, and I can’t stress enough how hard it is. Probably wouldn’t even be able to get you to understand. You simply have to experience it to know. But do I love my kid? Yes, I love him a million times more than I’ve ever loved anything. Had I not had him though, I think I still would’ve gone about my life just fine.

We also worry about the eco-impact of having our own kid. I feel selfish going to such lengths to get pregnant with my own biological child, but it’s been my dream for so long that I’ve made peace with the decision to try. If IVF doesn’t work after a couple rounds, we will look toward adoption instead 🙂

I turned 30 last year and I still don’t want kids. At least people have FINALLY stopped asking me when I’m gonna give my mom grandbabies. A decade of saying “never” has finally paid off!

This comment is everything. Seriously. Kate, you hit the nail on the head!